The truth of Life

Beyond this day, if we shall find,

a loss of will to yearly stroll,

and seek the meek embrace,

of beloved sleep and swelling toll.

 

It means we will soon in time,

see life's greatest truth.

An old friend will come and greet,

in the morning chirps or night owl's hoot.

 

He, the death, is most trustworthy of our ends,

rest were just mirthless games,

of old friends or foes, doubtful,

devious, with varied masks they played.

 

He stands behind every door,

to shake your hand one day

just nod and smile, same jovial mood,

when maybe few times in your life

you pass those menacing corridors.

 

Do not fear but be delighted,

it is the fate of every being.

Like the butterfly from its cocoon,

it is a new, another journey yet to be seen.

 

Live the life free of hate,

and grasp his hand with a merry look.

Pass free of any bounding yearning,

as there is no question in the end

of what you made and what you took.

 

It is the divine truth of life,

ugly sometimes it may seem.

But death is the ultimate absolute,

of every mortal, every life, resolute.

 

He is the constant companion of every being,

Oblivious to their actions in life.

Standing between heaven and earthen layer,

as an unalterable truth,

with every soul and every prayer.

Invictus by William Ernest Henley

"The poetry that inspired a nation". I am sharing here the favourite poetry of Nelson Mandela and one of my favourites as well. It is 'Invictus' by William Ernest Henley.

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul.

Relationship

This post is not going to be poetry. Instead it is going to be a mode of self-reflection for me and getting out there and trying to find if 'you', people reading this feels the same way, has undergone something similar in their relationships.

I am from India. I am currently in a relationship with this wonderful girl. I have been in relationships before but they were not too great. Infact it will not be wrong to say that they were downright doomed to fail (of course I did not realise this at that time, how could I?). However, my relationship with this girl is nothing like I have ever experienced. Sure the fights are there, heartaches, small misunderstandings, but when we are in each other's company, we are so lost in each other as if nothing else in this world exists.

But still, the wounds of my past relationships keeps haunting me. I completely dedicated myself emotionally to them but failed miserably. Maybe I was at fault, maybe not. These crushed sentiments and feelings has crept to the innermost part of my sentiments and I started believing two things simultaneously - I will never be able to find a true partner ever and that I will always end up being hurt as no true love really exists.

Shiwani changed everything. She came and made me realise that not only can I find a real connection but also a partner who can be very dedicated like me. Still, the torment I felt after my failed relationships left scars which still haunts me and which still exists in my mind. Constantly in my relationship as soon as something does not happen as it should I start doubting and fearing if this will also fail. As if it is too good to be true and its just a matter of time before she will leave me too for something else, someone else. The most cursed object is my above average intelligence (not bragging, I know where I stand - I am not a genius but much better than average), notices small things to the minutest of details and extrapolate a pessimistic viewpoint of it all in relation with my insecurity of being left again.

Every relationship needs a little work. And I need to improve. I need to completely forget the past. We have decided that we will get married. Though there is still work to be done on our relationship, we both realise that we both are meant to be together. Its a mutual feeling that none of us say out loud but both realise it in our bones. It is an unsaid understanding between us that it was simply not by chance that we found each other. The most surprising of all the things, and I admit it will sound far-fetched even absurd, is that after fights in our initial stage of relationships there was something like an invisible force that time and again pushed us towards each other every time we tried to go our separate ways. It is unbelievable! Funnily, its as that Hindi movie says, the universe conspires to bring us together. And no I am not delusional, under full consciousness I am claiming this. She loves me. All we need to work out now is synchronising our emotional connection levels. Most often than not, I behave as a child, I demand attention that she keep talking to me 24*7, when that doesn't happen, I get fussy. She takes care of me. Sometimes I still get afraid she will leave too. The past doesn't seem to leave easily. Sometimes I feel there might be someone else but at the same time I know that she will never do that. But the fear is so overpowering that I crumble beneath it like a house of cards.

Can someone relate to it? Mind is really a very weird thing. I wish to give her all the happiness in the world but for that I need to be happy with myself. My conscience feels I do not deserve so much love, that it will not last, that she might leave any moment. Although I was always the one who was left in the past, I do not know what strange mechanics is it of my mind that makes me question whether I deserve this or not. My relationships were never superficial from my end they were always honest and true. I think that is what has left the deepest scars with a great amount of pain and I think that is why my mind is stopping me to completely dedicate myself, to give myself away completely. It will happen because inspite of the past, comparatively, I have never loved any girl like this. I just wish she be patient with me, that the past do not repeat itself.

Dancing in the moonlight

I picked myself up from
the shallowing mist aground,
and jumped up with joy,
and climbed up suffering’s mound.

I punched up the air,
cutting it slim and through.
I kept leaping up the land,
where blissful, lazy green grow.

Music and songs none played ‘fore
but they were not needed,
the beats of my heart took it on,
pleasure made my feet's rhythm, and mind
songs from every lore.

it stirred a memory, of the most comical kind,
etched so deep in the past that is now well-behind.
When I was lot less smarter but happier still,
when feelings were not so complex,
sadness - crying and joy was pure bliss.

It was when I could jump on the bed,
play the old music system,
and dance with a thrill.
It was when I couldn’t open any jar’s lid,
it was that time when I was a kid.

So I danced on, living that memory,
in which I was jumping and shouting,
to the melodious music that was enchanting.
So jubiliated, I moved with a passionate zeal,
and reminiscing, i kept dancing in moonlight beams.

Love signs - Cap & Virgo

The following abstract is taken directly from the famous book of Linda Goodman's Love Signs and is dedicated to My virgo.... sharing this while sitting in my office due to overwhelming feeling of how much I am missing her, she's on a trip right now.

So here goes......the bold parts I found to be really awesome......

 

VIRGO Woman CAPRICORN Man

"Oh dear! I am sure I sometimes think spinsters are to be envied." Her face beamed when she exclaimed this.

You remember about her pet wolf. Well, it very soon discovered that she had come to the island and it found her out, and they just ran into each other's arms.

As with everything else in astrology, there's a reason why Virgos are symbolized by the Virgin. Both sexes. If the truth be told, almost every Virgo would prefer to live alone forever. (Not necessarily as a literal virgin, of course, but unmar- ried.) The Virgo woman is seldom thrilled by the thought of trying to match her life style to the habits of another person (especially if the other person has messy habits). It's a terrible dilemma for her, actually, because she can fall in love as deeply and as liltingly as any other woman. And once she's fallen in love, she's tortured by conflicting feelings.

She's aware that she'd be much more comfortable in a relationship recog- nized and respected by both the law and society. Namely, legal marriage. Sec- ond, when she truly loves a man, she feels it's her duty to marry him, bear his children, darn his socks, grate his celery and carrots, keep his shirts from humi- liating him (and her) with ring-around-the-collar, help him with his income tax, all those necessary human burdens. Her lovely, clear eyes become cloudy, and her pure forehead wrinkles with worry over the situation. The more she ana- lyzes it, the more troubled she is. Fortunately, she's an Earth Sign, not an Air Sign like Libra. If a Libra lady had the Virgin's problem, she'd really go ba- nanas, trying to decide what to do. Virgo will keep her cool while she's analyzing all the details of her marital dilemma, and view the whole thing in a reasonably calm manner. But she may bite her nails a lot, and those worry wrinkles will re- veal her inner turmoil. Mostly, she'll keep it within, hash it out with herself, Narcissus-like, while she's still unsure.

The plus side of her conflict over whether or not to marry we just covered a paragraph or so ago - all those reasons why she feels she should give in and re- nounce her single status. The minus side is what marriage means - or what it will probably mean to her, as a Virgo. It will mean adjusting her life to the whims of another individual, adapting herself to being constantly on call, 24 hours a day, to cook, sew, make small talk, make love, have children, raise chil- dren, dust, sweep, clean ... then there's the laundry, the bills, the necessity for compromise concerning social activities and a hundred other areas where her preferences and those of her husband might clash. (Virgos hate clashes. Clash- ing makes them nervous.)

Despite her reputation for neatness, cleanliness and tidiness, not every Vir- go woman in the world is a born homemaker. In fact, very few of them are. (We'll discuss why a little later.) Consequently, the possibility of becoming a household drudge is high on the list of the reasons she'd rather not wed - and it's why lots of Virgo girls decide early in life that the institution of marriage is for the weak-minded. But then, there are always one's friends, relatives and neighbors to consider. What will they think of her decision to remain single? And what of her responsibility to the man she loves? How can he possibly man- age without her by his side at night and in the morning, in case he should need something, and she's all the way crosstown? If they don't legally marry, but just find a suitable apartment halfway between her job and his job, and live to- gether, wouldn't she be forced to do all those wifely things for him anyway (become a household drudge) even though they weren't actually man and wife? I can answer that for her, without spending a lot of time analyzing it. Yes, she would.

So the Virgin is left with the choice of either remaining a virgin - or be- coming his bride. These are the only two sensible solutions for a lady who feels such a sense of duty toward her lover that just seeing him every other day or so isn't enough to remove her nagging worry that he might need her in some way during those hours they're apart. If you haven't already gathered that most Vir- go women privately enjoy being needed (never mind how they complain about it) then consider yourself informed now that they do.

Should the man she loves happen to be a Capricorn, her dilemma is a waste of perfectly good hours which could have been profitably spent otherwise. If she's involved in a meaningful affair with a Goat, she can forget analyzing. Not always, but at least eight times out of ten, a Capricorn man who really loves a woman will either make her his proper and respectable wife - or leave her and grow bitter, nursing his loss for years, rather than consent, for any length of time, to a relationship that isn't legally, socially and religiously sanctioned, or is contrary to general custom - and especially one that could conceivably be frowned upon by his sainted family. The sexual revolution has changed many former traditions, patterns and concepts, but it has not yet made a dent in the basic Sun Sign per- sonality of the Goats. Nor is it likely to do so in the near future. It will take sever- al generations to convince Cappy that living in sin is not living in sin, even when he's reluctantly living in it. Besides, he nearly always will want a family, this man - and he's not about to bring up his sons and daughters illegitimately, de- prived of the great privilege of bearing his family name. That's unthinkable. It's sacrilegious. Even worse, it would be humiliating.

Another reason it's difficult for the Virgo woman to avoid marriage with her Goat is because the two of them are emotionally guided in their love relation- ship by the 5-9 Sun Sign Pattern, the most basically compatible vibration the planets see fit to bestow upon mortals. It isn't an absolute guarantee of happi- ness, naturally. Even 5-9er's have to work at it - and there are always those few 5-9 couples whose Luminaries are in adverse aspect between their birth charts. They'll still be unusually sympathetic to each other, but may find it hard to compromise their disagreements. Nevertheless, it's a beneficent influence to have as a foundation for love, and whether 5-9 lovers exchange a positive or neg- ative natal Sun-Moon aspect between them (in addition to their trined Suns) they are always more miserable when apart than most other men and women who separate for one cause or another.

So there's really not much use for her to indulge in a dance of doubt with this man. When the Virgin and the Goat first meet, they'll feel a karmic tug of long ago and far away, mixed with an almost instant empathy and comprehen- sion of one another's viewpoints. Their auras blend, lock into place harmonious- ly - and after that, untangling them is as difficult and delicate a task as untan- gling the fur balls of a Persian kitten. (Most Virgos own a cat or two. Virgos have a thing about cats. They either worship them or they can't stand to be in the same room - or even the same neighborhood - with anything feline. But they are never just neutral about pussycats.)

These two communicate beautifully, whether they're dancing (which they don't do often, especially not on a night before they both have to be at work or school early the next morning), just talking and relaxing, working on a project together ... or making love, which is a mutual endeavor they'll both enjoy tre- mendously. Neither of them finds it easy to be natural regarding sex. Secretly, each of them has always feared that he (or she) is inadequate in some way. But when the Virgo girl melts snugly into the secure arms of the Capricorn man she loves, she seems to lose all her coolness, detachment and inhibitions. Likewise for him, when this woman nestles trustingly against his shoulder in the dark, then moves uncertainly nearer.

Their need grows slowly, until it becomes deep and overwhelming. When two Earth Signs express their desire for each other physically, their feelings can be mighty powerful-in a word, earthquaking. The girls he used to know and maybe thought he loved - the men she used to know and wondered if she loved - would be amazed. Until they discovered an emotion they could trust to be wholly reciprocal, both the Virgo girl and the Capricorn man may have been more than once accused by others of being cold and romantically unresponsive. That's why their sexual union is frequently such a warmly intimate interlude within their other levels of togetherness. It may be the first time they have ever felt free to just be themselves, holding nothing back, loving with an abandon and a sense of human completeness they always wistfully longed to know and to share, but were never quite able to attain with anyone else - until they found each other and were able to experience an unexpected earthquake of passion.

Although Goats aren't excessively sensitive, the 5-9 cord that binds them will allow the Goat to treat the little baby torments and traumas of his Virgo woman with more genuine consideration than is normally his custom. He knows what it's like to endure agonies of guilt and frustration over exaggerated self im- ages of neglecting responsibility. Indeed, the moods of depression with which the kindly, earnest Goat is periodically afflicted, often stem from the same twinges of self-criticism and self-chastisement his Virgo lady suffers. He tends to discipline himself as severely as she does herself, holding his hurt inside, like her, restricting his emotions as she does, seldom allowing them to escape into the freedom of natural expression.

As for those scattered areas of tension between them, they could arise if she's overly critical of his family in any way or nags a bit too much. All Goats tend to balk and butt with their stubborn horns when they're nagged or pushed. Some quarrels could be caused by his refusal to spend enough time talking with her about the hundreds of things she reads and hears that stimulate her active, alert mind. She likes to always be either verbally analyzing something or phys- ically doing something. Idleness bores her and makes her restless, whereas his metabolism and day-to-day behaviour are keyed to a much more leisurely, re- laxed pace. Then too, there's his self-protective Saturnine selfishness - the Capricorn "me first" attitude he's seldom aware he possesses. Should he take undue advantage of her instinctive unselfish urge to serve, their relationship can become lopsided, and she could resent it inwardly for a long time before it spills over into a serious confrontation.

Then she might decide she was right in the first place about a single life being the only sensible and peaceful way to live, pack up her vitamins, her diction- ary, her pocket calculator, her toothbrush and other personal belongings - and leave him. The separation may not last long. In a month or so, after she's set- tled into her bachelor girl's apartment, luxuriating in being a loner again, she'll surprise herself with her own tears some night, in the stillness she thought would be peaceful, but turned out to contain instead only the awful ache of emptiness. She'll realize she misses snuggling in his arms . . . his soft, twinkling Goat's eyes and his shy humor... even his occasional gruffness, his grumpy moods and his unthinking selfish moments that hide such a gentle, devoted and loyal heart. As gentle, devoted and loyal as her own.

Is that the doorbell ringing? Yes, it is. Surprise! It's him. He has the perfect excuse to stop by and see how she's doing without him. She made a mistake and took his toothbrush when she left. He is returning hers, so they can trade. She stares at him for one shocked moment, then exclaims, "But I didn't notice, and I've already been using your toothbrush for nearly a month!" He'll tell her he didn't notice either right away, and he's been using hers. Then they'll run into each other's arms, because they'll know there's no use fighting it any longer. They love. How could they possibly have used each other's toothbrushes if they didn't? They couldn't. For Virgo and Capricorn, that's the ultimate intimacy, the final proof of destined Oneness. Otherwise, obviously, they would both have surely turned into stone statues as punishment for such an improper trespass against custom, so warned against in childhood as a no-no. Unexpectedly, the

two of them feel as free as birds! He drives her back home, so sweetly familiar, but still feeling free, instead of going inside, they race each other into the back yard. He takes off his stuffy tie, and tosses it over the outstretched arms of the nearest tree ... she removes her uptight Virgo sandals ... and they dance bare-foot in the moonlight, under the surprised stars, the grass tickling their toes deliriously, intoxicated by the heavy fragrance of honeysuckle vines. Finally, they fall down beneath the tree, laughing and crying at the same time ... and sud- denly, without warning, it's silent between them. The only sound is the chirping of crickets. They both know what the silence means. Sometimes, need won't wait. After all, it's their yard, it's surrounded by a high wall, tall spruce and hedges, and the neighbors are asleep.

It's about time they broke the chains of restriction, to learn that love will not be imprisoned by anyone's rules. From far away in the distance, Virgo's true ruling planet, Vulcan, thunders approval... while in the sky overhead, Saturn weeps with a strange and unaccustomed joy. After a time, a soft, steady rain be- gins to fall. They don't even notice. His very best tie will surely be ruined. But who cares? His Virgin will knit him a new one, now that she's back home, where she belongs.

That night, of course, there was an earthquake - though not the kind that can be measured on the Richter scale.