How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie - A Book Review

"There's far more information in a Smile than a frown. That's why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment."

Introduction:
GENRE: Fiction
AUTHOR: Dale Carnegie
PAGES: 278
YEAR OF PUBLISH: 1936

Dale Carnegie is an American writer, lecturer, and the developer of famous courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal skills. Dale Carnegie was a poor farmer's boy and the second son of James William Carnegey and Amanda Elizabeth Harbinson. He was born in 1888 in Maryville, Missouri. His first job after college was to sell Correspondence courses to ranchers after which he moved on to selling bacon, lard and soap for Armour & Company. He soon started teaching a course in public speaking and how to influence people which became quite popular seeing hundreds of thousands of people seeking the course. This was simply because at that point in time there were philosophies but no concrete & practical methodologies which were taught.

The book is written in straight forward Chapter by Chapter format, each chapter comprising of one principle followed by real world examples of its implementation by - well known figures to people in normal corporate jobs taking the course. The prose of the book is quite simple to understand, and though the book was written in 1932, the principles are still as valid in the present time as they were in 1932. This could be attributed to the fact that human response or behaviour remains the same when subjected to certain conditions.

Principles:

The book is divided into four parts containing four different categories, each in-turn containing various principles about it. These are as follow:

Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. "If you want to gather honey, don't kick over the beehive"
2. "The Big Secret of dealing with People"
3. ""He who can do this has the whole world with Him. He who cannot walks a lonely way"

Part Two: Six ways to make people like you
1. Do this and you'll be welcome anywhere
2. A Simple way to make a good first impression
3. If you don't do this, you are headed for trouble
4. An easy way to become a good conversationalist
5. How to interest people
6. How to make people like you Instantly

Part Three: How to win people to your way of thinking
1. You Can't Win an argument
2. A sure way of making Enemies - and how to avoid it
3. If you're wrong, admit it
4. A drop of honey
5. The secret of Socrates
6. The safety valve in Handling complaints
7. How to get cooperation
8. A formula that will work wonders for you
9. What everybody wants
10. An appeal that everybody likes
11. The movies do it. TV does it. Why don't you do it?
12. When nothing else works, try this

Part Four: Be a Leader: How to change people without giving offence or arousing resentment
1. If you must find fault, this is the way to begin
2. How to criticise - and not be hated for it
3. Talk about your own mistakes first
4. No one likes to take orders
5. Let the other person Save face
6. How to spur people on to Success
7. Give a dog a Good name
8. Make the fault seem easy to Correct
9. Making people glad to do what you want.

Most of the above principles written are kind of self-explanatory. However, Dale Carnegie iterates and re-iterates it in the book that these principles will not work if you wish to manipulate people. Only genuine interest works. This is because most of us can understand quite well when we are receiving false compliments. For "Of Course Flattery seldom works with discerning people. It is shallow, selfish and insincere. It ought to fail and it usually does. True, some people are so hungry, so thirsty, for appreciation that they will swallow anything, just as a starving man will eat grass and fish worms." Thus, in order to master these principles, one has to take the first step and be genuine and take an interest in other people. After all, that is the whole purpose of taking this course. Nothing appears magically and the only thing people are really interested in are themselves; it is the basic human behaviour.

Let me re-iterate this with an excerpt of the book giving an example:

"Look at the letters that come across your desk tomorrow morning," (emails, in the present context) "and you will find that most of them violate this important canon of common sense. Take this one, a letter written by the head of the radio department of an advertising agency with offices scattered across the continent. This letter was sent to the managers of local radio stations throughout the country. (I have set down, in brackets, my reactions to each paragraph.)

Mr. John Blank,
Blankville,
Indiana

Dear Mr. Blank:

The.company desires to retain its position in advertising agency leadership in the radio field.

[Who cares what your company desires? I am worried about my own problems. The bank is foreclosing the mortage on my house, the bugs are destroying the hollyhocks, the stock market tumbled yesterday. I missed the eight-fifteen this morning, I wasn't invited to the Jones's dance last night, the doctor tells me I have high blood pressure and neuritis and dandruff. And then what happens? I come down to the office this morning worried, open my mail and here is some little whippersnapper off in New York yapping about what his company wants. Bah! If he only realized what sort of impression his letter makes, he would get out of the advertising business and start manufacturing sheep dip.]

This agency's national advertising accounts were the bulwark of the network. Our subsequent clearances of station time have kept us at the top of agencies year after year.

[You are big and rich and right at the top, are you? So what? I don't give two whoops in Hades if you are as big as General Motors and General Electric and the General Staff of the U.S. Army all combined. If you had as much sense as a half-witted hummingbird, you would realize that I am interested in how big I am - not how big you are. All this talk about your enormous success makes me feel small and unimportant.]

We desire to service our accounts with the last word on radio station information.

[You desire! You desire. You unmitigated ass. I'm not interested in what you desire or what the President of the United States desires. Let me tell you once and for all that I am interested in what I desire - and you haven't said a word about that yet in this absurd letter of yours .]

Will you, therefore, put the.company on your preferred list for weekly station information - every single detail that will be useful to an agency in intelligently booking time.

["Preferred list." You have your nerve! You make me feel insignificant by your big talk about your company - nd then you ask me to put you on a "preferred" list, and you don't even say "please" when you ask it.]

A prompt acknowledgment of this letter, giving us your latest "doings," will be mutually helpful.

[You fool! You mail me a cheap form letter - a letter scattered far and wide like the autumn leaves - and you have the gall to ask me, when I am worried about the mortgage and the hollyhocks and my blood pressure, to sit down and dictate a personal note acknowledging your form letter - and you ask me to do it "promptly." What do you mean, "promptly"? Don't you know I am just as busy as you are - or, at least, I like to think I am. And while we are on the subject, who gave you the lordly right to order me around? ... You say it will be "mutually helpful." At last, at last, you have begun to see my viewpoint. But you are vague about how it will be to my advantage.]

Very truly yours,
John Doe
Manager Radio Department
P.S. The enclosed reprint from the Blankville Journal will be of interest to you, and you may want to broadcast it over your station.

[Finally, down here in the postscript, you mention something that may help me solve one of my problems. Why didn't you begin your letter with - but what's the use? Any advertising man who is guilty of perpetrating such drivel as you have sent me has something wrong with his medulla oblongata. You don't need a letter giving our latest doings. What you need is a quart of iodine in your thyroid gland.]

Now, if people who devote their lives to advertising and who pose as experts in the art of influencing people to buy - if they write a letter like that, what can we expect from the butcher and baker or the auto mechanic?"

Isn't that how we all think when we open our laptops and access our daily work emails? Let's be honest, we are all thinking along these lines - when we get our company's newsletters telling about how big they have become or they got the advertisement on Times square or how they got a new website up and running, and so on and so forth. And can you see what mistakes the companies are making in those newsletters or emails? I think it's self evident.

You have to take interest in people. Period. You have to talk about what they want, and not what you want - a mistake fatal to a Sales person's career. There are various principles that are talked about in the book but this is what forms the core of those principles to apply. These were followed by Lincoln to Rockefeller to any great man you know. These are being followed by the successful entrepreneur you see or even by a normal person in your office who have made great progress in his career of which you're so jealous of.

Conclusion:

Talking to the point, the book is worth reading. For everyone who are willing to make a change in their life, this book is worth its salt. The style of writing is simple and easy to understand to an average or even a new reader and the principles very practical. As they have stated in the book, you can read and re-read each chapter and can treat this book as a working handbook; or as they have stated in the book:

In order to get the most out of this book:
a. Develop a deep, driving desire to master the principles of human relations,
b. Read each chapter twice before going on to the next one.
c. As you read, stop frequently to ask yourself how you can apply each suggestion.
d. Underscore each important idea.
e. Review this book each month.
f. Apply these principles at every opportunity. Use this volume as a working handbook to help you solve your daily problems.
g. Make a lively game out of your learning by offering some friend a dime or a dollar every time he or she catches you violating one of these principles.
h. Check up each week on the progress you are making. Ask yourself what mistakes you have made, what improvement, what lessons you have learned for the future.
i. Keep notes in the back of this book showing how and when you have applied these principles.

I highly recommend this book. A Timeless bestseller indeed!

You can also read a short version of this review on Blogger.

अभिमन्यु

वीरता के जो होते मिसाल हैं,
स्वार्थ, लोभ दुर्गुणों से अधिक विशाल हैं,
दुर्घटनाओं में न वे मुरझाते हैं,
कठिनाइयों को हंस कर गले लगाते हैं।

वीरता भी कई प्रकार की होती है,
जैसे सागर में असंख्य मोती हैं,
वे संसार भर में पूजे जाते हैं,
समाज के आदर्श कहलाए जाते हैं।

एक उदाहरण लोकप्रिय वह सही,
द्वापर की वह कथा कही-सुनी।
साहस की जो पराकाष्ठा है,
जो स्वयं आदि वीरों की महत्वाकांक्षा है।

जो खुद को बलिदान कर सकते हैं,
सब उन पर अभिमान कर सकते हैं,
जान हथेली पर रखकर
न्योछावर खुद को कर्तव्य पर कर,
जीवन की चिंता उन्हें नहीं होती है,
देख शत्रुओं की आँखें विस्मित होती है।

उस काल विपत्ति अत्यंत विशाल,
न रहता युधिष्ठिर के सर पर ताज।
क्या होता अगर मुकरता वीर वह,
लगता अगर परिणाम का भय?

पांडव न कभी विजयी होते,
आजीवन फिर किसी वन में सोते।
द्रौपदी कौरवों की दासी होती,
खुले केश लिए मुक्ति की अभिलाषी होती।
भीम की शपथ न पूरी होती,
अन्याय की न्याय पर विजय होती।
फिर चाहे कवच-कुंडल इंद्र मांग लाते,
या श्रीकृष्ण विश्वरूप दिखलाते।
यह परिणाम होता मगर जब,
अधर्म को अभिमान होता सहर्ष तब।

इस विश्व का वह रूप विशाल,
केशव के स्वरूप का सुक्ष्म भाग,
जन्म लेते कई वीर यहां,
कर्मों से विश्वगुरु कहलाते हैं,
सीधे बैकुंठ धाम को पाते हैं।

आखिर कूद पड़ा वह रण में जा कर,
विजय-पराजय की चिंता न कर,
आवश्यक हो गया जान गंवाने को,
अपनी सेना विनाश से बचाने को,
पांडवों को जीत दिलाने को,
अधर्म पर धर्म की विजय पाने को।

इतना अभिमन्यु को बोध था,
बाकी योद्धाओं के मुकाबले
भले ही बालक वह अबोध था -
की जब अपनों के साथ बेइमानी होती है
हार पर विजय पानी होती है
परिजनों को जीत दिलानी होती है
अधर्म की जड़ें काटनी होती है
जब प्रभु की बात सार्थक होनी होती है -
तब अपने प्राणों को शस्त्रों में भरकर,
कर्म की वेदी पर सर रखकर
समर-कुंड में शौर्य-भाव की ज्वाला जल रही होती है,
धर्म रक्षा के लिए खुद की आहुति देनी होती है।

कूद पड़ा वह वीर योद्धा बड़े विकट उस जाल में,
वह 'चक्रव्यूह' कौरवों ने बिछाया विध्वंस के खयाल से।
चक्रव्यूह की रचना को तोड़ उसे अंदर जाना आता था,
मगर नहीं बतलाया मुक्त हो बाहर न आ पाता था।
कर्तव्य की वेदी पर शीश कटाना स्वीकार था,
धर्म की रक्षा हेतु लड़ना उसका अधिकार था।

क्या होता अगर मना कर जाता वीर वह,
हाथ जोड़ कह जाता "हिंसा नहीं करूंगा यह"?
या कह देता की उसका कोई सरोकार नहीं,
"गुण-अवगुण, धर्म-अधर्म, सम्मान-अपमान, अधिकार-अत्याचार आदि -
सब तुम्हारे, पर मेरे लिए ये सब साकार नहीं"?
धर्म हेतु लड़ने को उत्पीड़न नहीं कहते हैं,
आत्मरक्षा और सम्मान के लिए शस्त्र उठाना -
विधिमान्य है, आतंक न इसको कहते हैं।
वर्षों के अत्याचारियों को भुगतना ही पड़ता है,
सर्पों के विषैले फन को कुचलना ही पड़ता है।

आहुत हुआ वह वीर समर में,
वह समय भी आया था,
हर नियम को तोड़ युद्ध के
महारथियों का मन बालक की हत्या से हर्षाया था।
पश्चात इसके, युद्ध क्षेत्र में हर नियम टूटे थे,
दोनो पक्षों के तीखे बाण,
अब रात्रि में भी छूटे थे।
अधर्म के साथ युद्ध में हर कायदा छोड़ना पड़ता है,
लोहे को आखिरकार, लोहे से ही काटना पड़ता है।

सत्य को सर्वोपरि रखने त्रेता में श्रीराम थे,
और धर्म की स्थापना करने द्वापर में घनश्याम थे।
त्रेता में प्रभु ने स्वयं समस्त राज्य छोड़ दिया,
और महाभारत के रण ने अधर्म का रथ तोड़ दिया,
अनेक योद्धाओं ने इस युद्ध में जगत को आदर्श दिया,
मगर अभिमन्यु का कुरुक्षेत्र में ही वह बलिदान था
जिसने युद्ध की दिशा को धर्म के पक्ष मोड़ दिया।

A Thing called Hope

Those times of chaos, when, your mind's berated.
That wilderness grows, overpowering,
You venture about, lost, misdirected,
Deeper in the woods;
Deeper! Steeper!

But beware, the deeper you go,
more the light fades
and the gloom transcends,
from that foreboding moderate,
to the despondent melancholy.
The fire foes out,
the ashes remain, smouldering.

But fear not, O' brave heart,
the ashes will smolder,
Forget, and on.
Cease them, you know them.
These are the thoughts,
that floats you on;
on those waters deep, where
you get smothered.
Or in those woods where,
the silence is stifling
and this predator looms about
in the shadows, and,
you hear the beating,
the grafting rhythm of your heart.

But listen, O' valiant soul,
there may be no light,
to guide you back to
your isle of joy, of happiness,
and away from these woods of loathing
from these waters of depression, of sadness.

But there always is,
that path you traversed,
and there will always be
A thing called Hope.

A Man called Ove - A Book Review

"Men are what they are because of what they do. Not what they say."

Introduction:
GENRE: Fiction
AUTHOR: Fredrik Backman
PAGES: 337
YEAR OF PUBLISH: 2012

A Man Called Ove was published in English in 2013 written by Swedish Columnist, blogger and writer Fredrik Bachman. The book became an instant bestseller which sold millions of copies worldwide. When the English version of the book was released, it went on the New York Times Bestsellers list and stayed there for 42 weeks! The character of Ove created by Fredik Bachman became widely loved and admired by all.

The above quote is just what Ove believes in. Well why wouldn't he? The world has become full of those incompetent idiots with their big phones, ignoring signs, fools who cannot drive a manual car as if its rocket science and IT consultants who cannot even reverse a small Chinese car with a trailer attached. Not that Ove liked chinese cars. For him, one can tell what kind of a man a person is by the sort of car he drives. Ove is a very particular man who likes to do things the right way and want others to do the same. He is a stickler for rules. "Rules are Rules afterall".

On first note Ove will seem like a cranky old man. It was when you dive deeper into the book and get to know him better that you couldn't help admiring Ove and his ways. He is a sort of man who will call an Idiot a idiot on their face, a man with zero political correctness and zero tolerance for anything or anyone who does not do things properly.

Plot:

The book begins by Ove trying to buy an Ipad. He asks the Sales assistant while shaking the white box and eyeing it suspiciously if this is one of those 'O-pads'. The assistant confirms that it is an 'I-pad'. Ove asks that it is a computer then. The sales assistant is nods and then shakes his head and tells Ove that some people call it a tablet and some a surfing device. But Ove just want a good computer, how hard is that to understand? Well after Ove uses some choice words for the Sales assistant and storms out, the book makes the reader to start forming opinions about Ove. But the person who forms an opinion about Ove is in for a surprise as he moves on to the upcoming chapters.

Ove is living alone after his wife passed away after a long illness. She was the only person whom he has ever loved. Ove's mother passed away when he was a boy and so he lived with his father. His father who worked for the railways was a man of principles. A man who stuck to his set code of ethics, a man who did things with his hands and Ove learned the same. To quote an excerpt from the book -

His father never raised his fists. Not to Ove or anyone else. Ove had classmates who came to school with black eyes or bruises from a belt buckle after a thrashing. But never Ove. "We don't fight in this family", his father used to state. "Not with each other or anyone else."

He was well liked down at the railway, quiet but kind. There were some who said he was "too kind."

Or to get an even better understanding -

That year, to stop him from rattling around the house on his own, he also started going with his father to work at the railway yard after school. It was filthy work and badly paid, but, as his father used to mutter, "It's an honest job and that's worth something."

Once Ove found a wallet with more than 6000 Kronor while cleaning a train coach. He worked for a man named Tom who was dishonest and not at all liked among his colleagues. They both were in the coach at that moment, when Tom saw it - he was ready to raise his fists on Ove. That's when Ove's father interjected in between and Tom backed down. Ove's father asked Ove that it is his decision for what to do with the wallet and Ove chooses to submit the wallet in the Lost property office and when the woman behind the counter who couldn't believe her eyes and says not many people have ever handed back the money, Ove's father replied, "Many people don't have no decency either". And that's how Ove went on - doing not what is likeable but what the honest and decent thing was to be done.

The book goes on with Ove trying to commit suicide not because he was depressed in a crying all the time sort of way but because he truly & honestly and in all rationality could not see the point of keeping on living without his wife in this world where people easily replace their cars with a different brand and do not know how to do things with their own two hands. Ove fails every time. He also has a new neighbor - a software consultant with a middle eastern pregnant wife called Parvenah and two kids - people who cannot reverse a car with a trailer. With time, Parvaneh is persistent to be make Ove their friend. And Ove being who he is, retorts and complains but always does what is the right thing to do. Their is also Jimmy, another of Ove's overweight geeky neighbor for whom Ove's wife cared for when his mother died.

And that is just a small sneak peek at who Ove is. Undoubtedly, Fredrik Backman has penned one of the very lovable character in literature. If you're going to read this book beware, this is going to touch your heart in one way or another and I think that is why it was hailed so much when it appeared in the market and keeps on selling even to this day. We all need a character like Ove who says what is right not what is convenient and who does the honorable thing, in this time when everything is becoming so 'Politically correct'.

The book is written in such a way that each line will keep you entertained and engrossed in it and is filled with so many wonderful lines that will just mesmerize you. For instance -

1. "Ove, only a swine thinks size and strength are the same thing. Remember that." And Ove never forgot it.

2. People also called him antisocial. Ove assumed this meant he wasn't overly keen on people. And in this instance he could totally agree with them, More often that not people were out of their minds.

3. We always think there’s enough time to do things with other people. Time to say things to them. And then something happens and then we stand there holding on to words like ‘if’.

One of my favorites -

4. Ove feels an instinctive skepticism towards all people taller than six feet; the blood can’t quite make it all the way up to the brain.

And for our readers who lean more towards the Romance genre -

5. He was a man of black and white. And she was color. All the color he had.

I became so attached to Backman’s character that there was so little I could do to stop reading. I was reading while I was having my food, I was reading in between my office tasks and I was reading when I was not sleeping.

It would not be wrong to say that no matter what kind of a person you are, if you're a reader then this book will manage to pull at some emotional cord in you. And what would become of human race if it was not for emotions!

A must read bestseller!